On A Personal Note March 31, 2013

Anyone Know A Good Hit-Man?

So there’s a woman that keeps showing up in my life….She is there every time I look in the mirror.   She says things like, “too fat”, “getting old”, “another wrinkle!”, “ugly”, and the ever present “YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH!”.  I am sick of her.  I need to find a way to get rid of her FOR GOOD!  To date, I have tried drowning her (not enough tears….), locking her out (always finds a way back in), and running her down with the car – (darn thing always gets back up!).  I have limited success – she is silent for a time – but always shows back up louder and more obnoxious than before.  She came to visit for the first time when I was about 12 and has been a frequent visitor ever since.  She takes few vacations and completely zaps me of my strength!  

I know that I should just ignore her, shut her down for good, but no matter my resolve she continues to haunt me.  So, really, does anyone know a good hit-man?  I’d like to take her out back and completely blow her away!  I’d like to tell her how hurtful she is, how useless she is, how completely negative and draining she is.  Then I would like to blow her head right off!

There IS another voice – the one that reminds me who I really am.  The one that lets me feel joy from serving another, loving my grand-kids, accomplishing something hard, who forgives me my weaknesses and short-comings.  I would like to see THAT girl more often.  I would like to celebrate the good, the sunshine, the blessings, and my Savior, Jesus Christ.  I would like to remember all the great times in the last 32 years of my life with David.  I really want to be THAT girl!  The one that finds happiness in the small things – rainbows, spring, the song of a bird, the flowers peeping through my garden beds, the smile of a good friend, the encouragement from a co-worker, the sticky kisses of my grand-kids……  

I am a simple girl really.  Just seeking a taste of perfection…..

I think most women have need of a hit-man….Let’s take out that ugly voice forever and be that OTHER girl  – all the time!  It is time to silence the negative FOREVER!  It is time….